


Perception

by flootzavut



Series: all the reasons why [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:26:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8555497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: five happy endings Dawn Summers anticipatedand the one she finally got to see





	1. the cheesy teen flick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Medievalchic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medievalchic/gifts).



> for beta duties and for coming up with the title ❤️
> 
> This is the third and (I'm fairly sure...) final part of this series, but it actually starts before "Dust" because my muse is really awkward. Rest assured it will stretch all the way past the end of "Insubstantial" ;D
> 
> Spuffy from the POV of the original Spuffy shipper :) I know not everyone loves Dawn, but I hope you'll take a chance on it anyway. I've had fun both writing Dawn understanding her sister and her bestie better and letting her grow and mature. Here's hoping I do it justice!

* * *

_**the cheesy teen flick** _

* * *

 

Dawn seriously does not know what her sister's problem is. No matter what Buffy claims, as far as Dawn can see, Angel was always a massive poophead, it just showed more when he didn't have a soul. Plus, that whole broody thing? Could he be any more boring?

Spike is about a thousand times cooler, with the leather coat that swishes around him as he moves and all the black clothing and the bleach-blond hair. Dawn has seen enough movies to realise he's the guy with the heart of gold who secretly rescues puppies or something, or at least is basically, you know, the good guy. He's the one the nerdy girl thinks is all mean and hard, and then one day he saves her from bullies or muggers (okay, so in Buffy's case it'll probably be other vampires or demons or rogue warlocks, but the point still stands), and she takes off her glasses and turns out to be pretty, and they kiss and...

Where was she again?

Oh, yeah. Spike.

Not that she has a crush on him or anything. Well all right, but not too much. She isn't blind, so she knows he's hot, but he's, like, way old, and Buffy would have a fit, and it's not like Dawn could exactly compete.

Which is the other thing. Dawn isn't blind, but she's beginning to think Buffy must be, because the way Buffy acts, it's like she had no idea Spike is crazy about her. And has been more or less forever.

It's so obvious Spike's completely in love with her, and hello, he's super hot, so why is Buffy still all sad and mopey over Riley (who turned out even more boring than Angel) when she has Spike looking at her like she farts rainbows? Seriously.

She tried to be supportive about Riley, she really did. On the plus side, Buffy never really got all angsty about Riley, and he wasn't actively making her miserable.

Well... not at first, anyway. Dawn wasn't let in on the details of the whole big breakup thing, but she has a feeling that Riley's big dumb decent guy act was, well... an act. She remembers how he treated her; more like an annoyance than like the little sister of the woman he loved.

And Spike said some things... and look, she realises Spike isn't the most reliable witness, especially when it comes to Buffy's boyfriends, but she knows he cares about Buffy, and about Mom and about it was all over, when there was no reason for him to be badmouthing Riley anymore, when Riley was safely off doing his super soldier bit somewhere in darkest South America, Spike should've been happier. The fact he was still worrying about Buffy and muttering darkly about Captain Cardboard...

Dawn doesn't know (and isn't sure she  _wants_  to know) what a suck-house is, but she's, like, totally sure it's not a good thing. Chip or no chip, Spike is still evil, kinda, and something that puts that expression on his face? It can't be good. Riley supposedly has a soul, which is supposedly a big deal, so if he can do something that disgusts Spike...

Even at his best, though, Dawn never really thought Riley was good enough. 'Not making Buffy miserable' is a crappy standard. In fairness, Dawn has absolutely zero experience having a boyfriend, but she's sure that it should be a mostly positive thing, right? Yes, there can be moments of angst and doubt, but isn't love supposed to make you happy, make your life better? At least some of the time?

So yeah... not miserable? It's just not good enough. She can't help it. Buffy deserves more. Buffy's capable of more, too. Dawn knows that. She's seen it, seen her big sister truly, glowingly happy. Just once.

Everyone else was totally freaked out by the engagement thing. Dawn was just disappointed it didn't last. Yeah, all right, it would probably have been a bad idea for her sister to get married to a vampire under the influence of a spell, but what no one else seemed to notice was how happy they both were. Brimming over with joy. It was so cute!

Dawn doesn't remember the last time she saw Buffy like that. When Angel was around, she was mostly stressed out and bad moody.

The guys before and after Angel were less stressful, but where now and then there were short bursts of happiness with Angel, the other boyfriends were just more Rileys. They didn't make her happy, they didn't make her sad, they were just... there.

She remembers quizzing Willow after The Spell, in all her thirteen-year-old excitement that she knew a real witch, and she remembers Willow confiding, in a worried tone of voice, that she didn't say anything about them falling in love, that there was no way the spell she'd cast would do that, then realising who she was talking to and her eyes getting all wide. Dawn remembers Willow making her promise she wouldn't repeat any of it to Buffy - begging her not to, actually.

Dawn knows Buffy blamed it all on Willow, but Dawn's had her eye on Buffy and Spike since then. Mortal enemies falling in love... It was, like, the most romantic thing ever, and Dawn was so sure that they'd both realise it must mean something. That they couldn't just go back to how things were and pretend nothing had changed.

She reckoned without two of the most stubborn people she's ever met in her life.

But Dawn's fourteen now. She knows things. She's not stupid. She knows how often Buffy's had reason and opportunity to dust him, and she never has. And sure, Spike tried to betray Buffy to Adam, then tried to get his chip out, but come on. If he wanted to kill her so much? He could've. Seriously, he has a century's experience of death and destruction. If he's half as evil as he insists he is, he must have a million ways he could get around the chip and off one human girl, even a super powered one. He has even less excuse than Buffy for the whole lame not-killing-of-mortal-enemy thing.

(Really, if he wanted her dead so much, how did she even make it past their first fight? Yeah, yeah, Mom and a fire axe, she's heard the story, but sixteen year old girl versus century old vampire? Dawn  _so_  doesn't think that's the whole truth.)

So really, the only surprising thing about Spike being crazy in love with Buffy is that Buffy hasn't figured it out yet. Dawn really hopes she quits moping over Riley and wises up soon.

Spike is so cool, and if Dawn can't have him for herself, she'll settle for having him as her sister's boyfriend and her big brother substitute. She just wants her sister to be happy. Okay, okay, she also kind of wants Spike to belong to them properly, and maybe get him to teach her how to pick locks and other cool, not-quite-evil stuff. But she mostly wants Buffy to be happy, and she has a feeling Spike could be part of that, if he was just given the chance.


	2. the tragicomedy

* * *

_**the tragicomedy** _

* * *

 

The others are surprised, she's sure. Surprised Spike is still around - when they think about it at all.

For the most part they just assume he'll be there, take his presence on patrol for granted, but if they take five seconds to actually wonder why the supposedly evil vampire is helping them keep people safe, is babysitting (not that Dawn needs babysitting anymore, pul-lease, but she mostly understands why they're so overprotective so she rolls her eyes and puts up with it), is being trusted, they get this weird expression on their faces, like it doesn't compute.

They haven't come to terms with what it means, because that might involve being nice to Spike or including him in stuff, and that's apparently against the Scooby code, but they know it's strange, they know it doesn't make sense, or at least it wouldn't make sense with any other vampire.

But Spike isn't any other vampire, he's Spike, and so they go along with it even though they're surprised and suspicious and still think he's up to something bad.

Dawn isn't surprised he's proved himself. She's always believed Spike could love. He can be an incredible dumbass about it, sure, but as far as Dawn can tell, that's also true for plenty of humans. She thinks even Buffy knew that before the end. Or she hopes Buffy knew that...

The thought hurts. Dawn still feels kind of guilty for how screwed up things got when Buffy found out how Spike felt. If she'd known how it was going to go down, she would've kept her mouth shut, or at least chosen her words more carefully.

She'd naïvely thought Buffy already realised Spike was different. She figured Buffy would be a little wigged about Spike being in love with her, but she did not expect the humongous overreaction.

Well... okay, Spike messed up too. That? That was not Dawn's fault. (Or Buffy's, either.) She knows Spike can be an idiot sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), and maybe she should've realised he might do something really stupid, but chaining Buffy up in his basement and threatening her with Drusilla? No, that one's all on him, and Dawn's not about to take any of the blame. Spike was a complete berk. (Dawn still doesn't know what that means, Spike refuses to explain, but it seems to fit and it's fun to say.) When she found out about it, Dawn rolled her eyes so hard she thought she might snap something.

Still, she'd honestly thought Buffy must have a clue, and that she might even be flattered. (Hello? Has Dawn mentioned,  _super_  hot guy?) And 'normal' was clearly not working out, so maybe supernatural was the way to go. Spike wasn't about to break or have a heart attack, and he has no soul to lose. Dawn was honestly kind of baffled her sister hadn't already considered it.

So she's not as sure as she'd like to be that Buffy understood before she did... what she did. But she does know Buffy invited him back into the house, and considering how unbelievably pissed off she was when she had Willow do the disinvite, Dawn has to think that was kinda significant.

(Dawn wanted to point out to Buffy how she'd never felt the need to disinvite him before, not after the kidnapping, not even when he was after the Gem of Amara, and didn't that mean something, that it was because Spike said he loved her that she freaked out? But thinking about those things just reminds Dawn she doesn't really remember any of it, that her memories of Spike and Buffy's history are almost all fake, and she still can't think about that without it making her feel funny. (It's even worse now that she doesn't get to make any new memories to make up for all the fake ones.) So she never quite managed to find the words to ask.)

She knows Spike letting himself get tortured rather than give her up was a big deal. Well, duh, of course it was, but she knows Buffy was surprised, relieved, and also really confused by what he'd done.

Something changed between them. Dawn's not sure what exactly, but she knows that Spike went from 'Don't talk to him, don't talk about him, this is not negotiable, Dawn, I don't care, all right?' to the person Buffy trusted to keep her family safe practically overnight. When Dawn tried to pry more out of her sister, Buffy just gave her one of those looks that said 'I'm the Slayer, don't question me.'

So whatever it was, to Dawn it's significant but mysterious, and she'll probably never find out. Buffy wouldn't tell her, and now... God, she can't ask Spike. It would just be cruel.

The only thing Dawn finds surprising about Spike still being around is that he's consistently resisted the temptation to fall on a stake or go outside at midday without his blanket. Part of her wouldn't blame him. He was so... broken. He still is.

Dawn's always known he cared about her, more or less - known she was safe with him - since long before he'd admit it aloud. But when she says something Buffy-ish and sees his heart break a little in his eyes, when the Bot dredges up a compliment for him and he looks like he's either going to cry or explode, she realises the depth of his pain and is surprised all over again that he didn't dust himself. That he still hasn't.

Surprised and touched and awed.

It makes her think of his expression at the top of that tower, of how his fear and his apology and his horror were written all over his face. Any lingering doubts about whether he loved her for her own sake, not just for being Buffy's little sister, were drowned out by that look, and it's only confirmed by his continued presence in her life when there are so many reminders of the woman they both loved and lost.

It's Spike she cries with, plays cards with. It's Spike who makes sure she does her homework and occasionally even gets it in on time. It's Spike who makes her think she can survive in a world where her mom and her sister are both dead.

So no, she has no doubt that Spike knows how to love. Better than some humans, in Dawn's considered opinion. Wherever Buffy is now, Dawn really hopes she knows she made the right choice when she decided to trust him.


End file.
